Twitter is a dumpster fire right now. Needless to say, it’s got a lot of hot takes. And this dumpster fire is really good at reducing things to ashes—careers and basic human decency, for example. When Twitter wants something to die, you can damn well be sure that it will. Twitter is basically the John Wick of the internet. It’s angry, unkillable, and absolutely relentless. And that was BEFORE Elon Musk came along and introduced it to a box of matches and a can of gasoline. Now it’s John Wick ON FIRE. I can’t imagine anything more terrifying.
What has Twitter cast its evil eye on now?
Comic book movie humor. And it’s been a long time coming.
“But I don’t understand!” you might say. “Twitter loves comic book humor! How could it not? It’s so quippy and clever!”
Oh? Is that so? People of the internet jury, may I direct your attention to Exhibit A:
No. Just no. There is NOTHING FUNNY about this. There is NOTHING FUNNY about reiterating what you JUST DID TWO SECONDS AGO. Is it funny in real life? Is it chuckle worthy to go, “Wow! Did I just take a mean dump in my great aunt’s bathroom?” mid-flush? No. It is not. For one, your aunt deserves MORE RESPECT than that. And two, it’s just lazy writing. It’s the equivalent of watching a car crash scene from a movie and having your great aunt go, “Wow! Those two cars just crashed!” I KNOW THEY DID GRAUNT BECKY, I’M WATCHING THE SAME MOVIE YOU ARE. THIS IS WHY I JUST CLOGGED YOUR TOILET WITH SHIT. BECAUSE YOU CLOG MY EARS WITH SHIT. BUT UNLIKE THE MEAN SHIT I TOOK IN YOUR BATHROOM, I’VE ALREADY SEEN THIS SHIT BEFORE. I AM TRYING TO RESPECT YOU BECAUSE YOU’RE OLD BUT YOU’RE MAKING IT REALLY HARD.
Thank you, Twitter. Thank you for remaining a cultural stalwart even in these trying times. We appreciate all of your ruthless criticism. We know that you’re just trying to make the world a better place, in spite of Elon Musk’s best efforts toward the contrary.
(featured image: Warner Bros)
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